I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
