Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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