Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
