I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
