I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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