Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
