Screwed.edu
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
