Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I would fuck him just for his dog
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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