Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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