I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
