If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
