Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
True college students do jello shots in the library
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