I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
