They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
