I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
