It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We got so high we made milksteak
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
