yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Randomize
