i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
