I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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