just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
