Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize