Whod you bang
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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