is your mom at the bar?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
