I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
