New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
