from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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