i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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