Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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