Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
