My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
