You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize