he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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