Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
