Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
