Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
