i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
