I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
