we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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