your parents love me but you hate me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
