I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
