When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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