I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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