Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
