i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
