i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
