so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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