My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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