I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
