i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
