don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
