Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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