Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
