They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize