I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it because I queefed?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
