so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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