I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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