he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
