I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Boobs speak an international language.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
