I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize