dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
