Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
