I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We got so high we made milksteak
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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