he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i think im in europe. pls send help
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
