We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
