I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i am craving dick and cupcakes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
