I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
