In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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