Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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