but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
