This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
