omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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