What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
